A Red Bow Tie, A Black Bow Tie And An Apple
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It is mostly a blurry memory but as I closed my eyes to search myself for a time when I was fully myself, it keeps popping into my head.
I must have been 6 or 7. It is not a regular evening. My dad had just got back from one of his journeys. Since he finished his appointment with the government, our life had changed.
First we moved from the gigantic duplex and 2 flats —We now lived in just a duplex where we had to share the compound with 2 other families. We also didn’t have as many cars packed in the compound and we no longer had drivers or helps — my mum started to learn to drive. They wouldn’t reappoint him because my dad was fighting the federal government, something about power being wrongfully centralized at the federal level in ministries and parastatals. It was hard to know how serious it was but I knew Gani Fawehinmi chambers were working with him and they said he was a really serious litigator. My dad also traveled for longer stretches, unlike previously when he traveled more but for shorter periods. There was also chatter about us moving to Calabar.
This was a new life for young me. We weren’t as extravagant any more, we saw my dad less, we came out to play now and we went to church more. I didn’t hate this new life. The blessing of childhood is bearing no burdens that let you stay happy always.
Anyway, this was a particularly happy evening. When my dad got back from his journeys, he would come with a lot of gifts for us kids. I had endured being silent in the late afternoon — my mum chased us downstairs and made us stay silent in order to let him rest. But, it was evening now. They had taken his food upstairs to his parlor and I could hear his chatter and my mother’s agreeing softer laughter. I knew they’ll call us up for the gifts soon.
My elder brother was first called up. I was giddy. Then I was called, I met my brother on the stairs and asked what he got. He wouldn’t budge. I ran upstairs because who has time for that? But I didn’t see any toys, no books, no bricks or no puzzles. Just 1 red bow tie, 1 black bow tie and 1 green apple. I can’t remember if I felt disappointed or confused but I suspect it might have been one of either or a fusion of both.
“Choose one”
I quickly grabbed the red bow tie.
My mum rolled her eyes. “Not that one. Take something else.”
“Why?”
“Where would you wear a red bow tie to?”
“I don’t know but you asked me to choose and it’s what I want. I don’t want the apple” Typical me broke into a fit “If you wanted me to take the apple, why did you ask me to choose?”
“If you take the bow tie, what will your brothers take?” my dad tried to reason with me.
“They can pick between the apple and other bow tie. I don’t want the apple. The apple will finish today but the bow tie will last forever” I’m pretty sure I was in tears at this point.
We had a back and forth for maybe 10 minutes. My mum was irritated but I could tell that my dad nursed a secret respect and love for my stubbornness and reasoning.
They had offered bribes, promises of other bow ties, a new doll… nothing was making me shift my position. My dad was willing to let me have my way but my mum was having none of that. I honestly can’t remember how it was resolved but I know I ended up with no bow tie, an apple I shared with my dad and a promise.
My mum and I joke about it from time to time about how mischievous I was as a child but I think it is a memory that I today now reflect on.
Who do I want to be as I move into a new age?
Unpredictable. A fighter. Winning or taking the best compromises.
Cheers to me.
